Femisplaining

When I first met my husband was the first time I remember feeling the need to explain and defend feminism to someone. I had already been thinking of myself as a feminist for some time, but until we had a conversation about it, which I’m pretty sure began because we were listening to an Ani song (or rather I was playing Ani and he asked me why I liked her), I had either been surrounding myself with other feminists, with people who were too afraid or I was too afraid of to talk to about it with.
I think at that time for people who didn’t study it feminism was defined by movies and pop culture. I know the first time I remember encountering it was watching PCU when I was younger. The feminists in that movie were “man-hating fem-Nazis”, and the love interest of the hero needs to be saved from the group’s bad influence.
My idea of what feminism is and why it is needed has grown since that conversation with my husband, which mostly centered around the need for female equality and ways that equality still didn’t exist at the time (ex. equal pay, access to free birth control, etc.) Feminism is a lot more to me now. I have learned and am continuing to learn about intersectionality and how feminism is lacking if we leave out issues of race and gender identity. Now when I think about intersectional feminism, I think of it as being about honoring and giving equal if not more value to things that are traditionally thought of as “feminine.” These changes have come from growing as a person, knowing many strong independent women, having my own daughter, and also loving the nurturing, sensitive, different men and boys in my life. Yes, living in a patriarchy is hard for us women, but it is also hard for boys (and men) who feel empathy for others, love the arts, and struggle to feel accepted for themselves in a society that has a very limited box for being a “normal” man.
We will no longer need feminism not only when women are paid equally for the same work as men, but when nurturing, care-giving, and teaching roles are valued as much or more than jobs that are about power, leadership, and destroying or killing. When careers that work for a better future are valued more than those that contribute to its destruction and when we encourage our children to follow a higher purpose rather than material gain.
Feminism won’t be as important, not only when girls can wear their hair short and women can go without make-up or shaving their legs without comments about them “not trying” or they “could be pretty if only…”: but also when boys and men can wear whatever they like including dresses, make-up, long hair or whatever without fear of being hurt or ostracized. We have a long ways to go people. Because right now our “feminine” jobs-teaching, social work, nursing, stay at home parenting… are the lowest paying and some of the least respected careers out there. So yes I will call myself a feminist until women around the world are allowed to make their own choices about reproduction, not just about abortion, but also when they can choose to have children whether they are married or not; when women receive equal pay for equal work; when there are as many women or gender non-conforming humans in politics, medicine, law and sciences as men: and also when there are as many male teachers, social workers, nurses, and stay at home parents as there are women; when phrases like “act like a lady” and “boys don’t cry” are no longer uttered to children or even thought. And even if all of these things were to happen, I would still call myself an intersectional feminist, because it will have been feminism and this fight to value all humans for their true selves-light and dark, weak and strong, loving and powerful, masculine and feminine-that made it that way.